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I’m monogamous and have been relationship my boyfriend who identifies as straight for somewhat over a yr. He instructed me that he had a strict “no contact with exes” coverage once we first met. Because of some sketchy habits, lies and gaslighting on his half—relating to contacts along with his ex-girlfriends, open relationship profiles, and a number of non-public Instagram accounts—I checked his cellphone, and my suspicions had been confirmed. He did not cheat however there have been some inappropriate messages that he apologized for. He blocked all his exes and is on the straight and slender now.
After I checked his cellphone, I additionally discovered unusual messages to certainly one of his male mates. My BF despatched this man nudes and movies of him having intercourse with different girls. (This was earlier than we met.) There have been additionally messages detailing how a lot they admired and missed one another’s cocks, and my boyfriend stated he wished to fuck different girls along with his pal. After I requested him about his relationship with this man, he stated that they’re simply good mates, and that this sort of sexting was “one thing straight guys do.” I don’t assume any of my previous straight boyfriends ever talked about lacking different guys’ cocks, however that is the primary boyfriend whose cellphone I ever checked for shenanigans. Is that this one thing straight guys do?
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I don’t care if my boyfriend was bisexual, however I do not need to be lied to. And I actually don’t need to be the loopy girlfriend, however my boyfriend had framed pictures of this specific man in his home that I made him take away. I additionally requested him to chop off all contact with this man. That is all contemporary in my thoughts as a result of we bumped into this man the opposite evening. They stored telling one another how good they each seemed and my BF was visibly nervous the entire time. Is my boyfriend telling me the reality? Do straight guys who don’t have any sexual curiosity of their mates ship them dick pics? My BF is in his mid-40s. He is aware of I’m bi. The “no contact with exes” rule was his concept, not mine, and I feel this man counts as an ex and will stay blocked. Do you agree?—Straight Males Exchanging Lengthy Lusty Texts Exuding Sexual Stress
Your boyfriend made the rule—no contact with exes (not even eye contact on the subway?)—however in some unspecified time in the future, after the mendacity and gaslighting, you turned the enforcer: digging via his cellphone, ordering him to dam his exes, take down framed pictures, and so on.
He was apparently prepared to miss your snooping, SMELLTEST, seeing as you’re nonetheless collectively. And also you had been apparently prepared to miss the mountain of incriminating proof you discovered on his cellphone. When you honored his “no contact with exes” rule from the beginning, he was swapping texts, sexts, and pictures along with his exes the entire time, lurking on relationship apps, and sustaining a number of Instagram accounts. You concluded he hadn’t cheated on you—he simply broke his personal silly rule—however in my expertise, SMELLTEST, “guidelines for thee, not for me” sorts are hardly ever excellent at honoring monogamous commitments over the long run. I’m not saying he’s cheated on you already, but when not getting cheated on ever is necessary to you… he may not be the man.
As for his declare that swapping dick pics and compliments are issues straight guys do…
I haven’t had an opportunity to snoop via Harry Kinds’ cellphone, SMELLTEST, so I can’t definitively say that no straight man has ever despatched one other straight man his dick pics. (Or spat on one other straight man at a movie premiere.) And seeing as a number of straight males take pleasure in taking part in “homosexual hen” lately (and posting the movies to TikTok), it stands to motive that some straight guys could also be swapping dick pics and ironic messages about how badly they need one another’s cocks for the lols. However I don’t assume that form of habits is frequent amongst straight guys, notably straight guys of their 40s.
My hunch is that your man had and loved a number of MMF threesomes with this man earlier than you met, and it was in that context—with a girl within the room to heterosexualize any incidental gay contact—that he got here to understand his pal’s cock. Seeing as you dug via his cellphone lengthy sufficient to seek out all of the relationship apps he’s on, all of the messages he’d been swapping with ex-girlfriends, and all these faux Instagram accounts, SMELLTEST, if he was bisexual you most likely would’ve discovered messages he’d despatched to different males and his Grindr, Scruff, and Sniffies accounts too.
If this pal is the one man your boyfriend has ever messed round with, SMELLTEST, if that one man’s cock is the one cock he’s ever wished to push previous his tonsils, your boyfriend is free to spherical himself all the way down to straight. I additionally don’t assume having messed round with this one dude makes them “exes” within the romantic/relationship sense of the time period, and I feel you need to let your boyfriend put his image again up.
Lastly, SMELLTEST, what the 2 of you’re doing—this man along with his no-contact guidelines about exes and his lies, you along with your snooping and calls for to take down pictures—sounds so exhausting. Is that this a relationship or a police state? If he can handle to stay monogamous and will get a cost out of swapping dick pics with an outdated pal, what hurt is there in that? Why not let him have that? And if the man was sizzling… why not let each of them have you ever?
P.S. I hope these movies you BF despatched his pal of him having intercourse with different girls had been taken with the consent of these different girls and that he had their permission to share these movies along with his pal.
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