How momentous was your Twosday?
Did you win the lottery? Did you stop your job to hitch the Nice Resignation? Did you are feeling totally different on Twosday? Did the cosmos realign your chakras to herald a non secular reawakening? Did your gray hair immediately morph to a lush childhood hue as you whipped off your spectacles with inexplicable 20/20 imaginative and prescient?
Me neither. The primary occasion of my Twosday occurred when my spouse excitedly cranked open the crypt door to my dungeon — sorry, basement workplace — to name me as much as see one thing: “Hurry!”
There was an opossum hanging out in a yard tree. It was perched on a sturdy department and slowly glancing round with insouciant disdain, like an outdated man on the subway. I used to be a bit apprehensive as a result of I assumed this was a nocturnal marsupial that ought to be slumbering at 9 a.m. Was it sick? Rabies? Despatched by Devil to gnaw my inner organs on deadline? My spouse, who’s means smarter than me, mentioned it regarded wholesome and was in all probability simply scavenging for meals within the unseasonably heat climate. It was tricked by time and ambiance.
She mumbled one thing about mating season, which perked up my ears till I noticed she was speaking about opossums. She tossed an apple out the patio doorways and took movies for our daughters to see after college.
Then she shooed me again to my dungeon. My chakras by no means felt extra ho-hum.
Twosday is the pun-tastic title media retailers around the globe feverishly utilized to Tuesday, which based on CNN was the “coolest date of the last decade.” Perhaps not for Ukrainians. The date — 2/22/22 — is a palindrome, that means it reads the identical ahead and backward. You realize, like “17871,” “degree,” “madam” or baffling phrases on Wikipedia reminiscent of, “MR. OWL ATE MY METAL WORM.”
It’s positively a uncommon date, these deuces wild on a Tuesday. In line with a tweet from the U.S. Nationwide Climate Service, these situations gained’t repeat till 2422, or 400 years from now, when Madonna can be 463 and posting pictures during which she seems to be 36.
However, someway, Twosday felt like simply one other Tuesday.
And that’s the reason I’m now calling for a struggle on numerology. Sufficient with the “healers” and “calendar diviners” who’ve made good coin as shameless charlatans ginning up the credulous. When our historic forebears began making use of a numerical system to days, months and years, a few of these representations would finally be palindromes or ambigrams. That’s not supernatural — it’s the sequential legislation of numbers.
Am I punching down by attacking numerology as an alternative of different pseudo-scientific crockpots of effervescent nonsense which have turned our tradition into one huge superstitious stew? Perhaps. However there is no such thing as a highly effective Huge Numerology foyer that may threaten my livelihood. Numerology has received to be essentially the most ridiculous discipline in a mystical taxonomy that’s past ridiculous. The dud thud of “Twosday” proves these lunatics must go.
I consider Feng shui can be bollocks. However a minimum of this multibillion rip-off shouldn’t be encouraging individuals to get married on Twosday, or make a radical change that gained’t endure till Friday. There are individuals who consider the Earth is hole. There are individuals who consider Mars has a human face. There are individuals who consider a writer will recoup a $15-million advance to Britney Spears for a tell-all, although her fan base is extra Instagram than hardcover.
As a lot as I’d wish to have a go at, say, acupuncture, I do know there are 1000’s who will disabuse me of my ignorance: “Hey! I used to be strolling sideways like a crab till Leolulanna from the Meridian Labs jabbed my backbone with lengthy needles and now my fingertips don’t tingle, and I not really feel queasy whereas watching ‘Euphoria.’”
Twosday was fascinating as a result of it drew a line within the loopy sand. I feel astrology is nuts. However I additionally see the every day metrics for this newspaper. And what I see is a variety of you studying your horoscope. Oh, cease. Don’t even attempt to deny it. I’ve the exhausting proof. You learn your horoscope and then you definitely click on over to Ellie.
But when we’re going to attempt to rebuild a society that’s fact-based, scientifically literate and values actuality, a straightforward first step is to take a flame-thrower to numerology. Twosday? There’s nothing particular a few date that has all 2’s in it! I used to be handed an escort flyer outdoors a Vegas on line casino as soon as and the textual content quantity included 4 4’s. I didn’t suppose the universe was encouraging me to cheat on my spouse with a buxom lass named Brown Sugar!
I threw the flyer away after which misplaced extra money on the Blackjack desk.
I’m accomplished with the shady numerologists and even the spiritual whack jobs who maintain prophesizing momentous dates that come and go with out incident, similar to Twosday. You realize what occurs when individuals lose themselves in numerology? They be a part of lethal cults, like Heaven’s Gate, or determine they’ll solely eat lunch exactly at 12:21. They title their youngsters “44” and root for sports activities groups that alphanumerically may be damaged all the way down to “Angel Numbers.” They blink 5 occasions when shampoo will get of their eyes and depend backwards from 39 when somebody cuts them off.
They stop to be rational cogs in our social machine that’s already sputtering with unhinged fantasy.
It’s simply after 2 p.m. on Twosday. The opossum is gone.
And as I look forward, nothing has modified.
JOIN THE CONVERSATION