I sat at my desk and stared at my prolonged to-do checklist. I could not even begin a activity, a lot much less end one. I used to be consumed by the ache and confusion that solely a contemporary and painful heartbreak can create. Nothing made sense. We had been so good collectively, we had been soulmates, we by no means as soon as argued, not as soon as. I swear he accomplished me.
And now, he was gone. There was one other girl (or two or three). He did not deny it when I discovered her bra in his bed room. And similar to that, we ended. My coronary heart was damaged. However life does not cease for heartbreak. I nonetheless needed to father or mother by way of the ache, present up at work, and seem like simply advantageous once I was something however. I went by way of the motions, however my thoughts was attempting to make sense of all of it, to find the solutions he did not give me, to foretell the long run. Would we get again collectively? Was he pondering of me? Did he love me regardless of his lack of loyalty? Have been my emotions actual or was I fooling myself all alongside? I wanted solutions to those questions, and I wanted them now.
I had at all times been a lover of astrology and infrequently consulted my horoscope for each day perception. I had additionally dabbled in dwell tarot card readings, principally for leisure. So once I someway stumbled throughout a complete new world of tarot card readers and love psychics on Etsy, I knew I needed to attempt it out. There have been so many to select from, and all of the solutions had been only a click on — and about $13 — away.
I researched the totally different choices on Etsy, as every psychic/tarot card reader provided one thing somewhat totally different. “Was he your soulmate?” was the theme of 1 studying. “Will he come again to you?” was the theme of one other. There have been choices to easily pose one query for $13 or an inventory of 5 questions for $40. Some promised you’ll get your studying by way of electronic mail in an hour or much less, and others would ship you a dwell video studying in three days.
After exploring my choices, I knew the one-hour return time was for me as a result of I am all about prompt gratification. Plus, I needed to ask my very own query. I bought my tarot card studying after discovering the reader with one of the best evaluations, and I despatched my query together with $13.
Is he nonetheless he pondering of me?
That is it. That was the query I needed answered greater than something. Trying again at it now, it feels silly. After all he was. We had been collectively over a 12 months. However one thing in my soul wanted to listen to it from another person.
I used to be filled with anticipatory pleasure for the following hour as a result of I knew I might get some solutions. I hoped for validation, reduction, and solutions that might clear up the mysteries at hand. And the playing cards did not disappoint. After I obtained my electronic mail studying, I felt loads much less alone. I felt just like the reader behind the playing cards was a long-lost, nonjudgmental, loving good friend, and the playing cards informed me simply what I needed to listen to: not solely was he nonetheless pondering of me, however he beloved me, and I beloved him. We had a soulmate connection, however the timing wasn’t proper. The most effective factor I may do now was maintain myself and love him from a distance. In the future, he could come again. Or he could not. Nevertheless it did not matter as a result of what we had was particular and significant and it modified me. Have fun that, my tarot card reader informed me.
And I did. I breathed a sigh of reduction. I knew our love was actual. For a second, I let go — of the necessity to management the long run, of my makes an attempt to learn his thoughts. I ended specializing in the ache and the long run and celebrated what was as a substitute. This sense of peace and acceptance lasted for a day or so.
I shortly discovered myself needing solutions once more. Would he ever contact me once more? I wanted to know. I remembered there was a tarot reader on Etsy who would reply my very particular query: when will your ex textual content you? So, to Etsy I went.
Order.
Pay.
Submit.
Wait.
Message obtained!
The playing cards informed me he would textual content me once more! However not for a couple of months. Be affected person, they mentioned. Work on your self, Suzanne. Within the meantime, give him the house he wants. Once more, I breathed a sigh of reduction. I felt comforted. I felt much less alone and was capable of let go, even when just for a couple of hours.
Quickly sufficient, I used to be consulting quite a lot of Etsy tarot readers a number of occasions per week. Every time life left me feeling helpless, a fast tarot card studying made me really feel calm and oddly in management. Ready to listen to again after a job interview? Let me ask the playing cards. Anxious about my children? A fast click on on Etsy, and the solutions had been quickly delivered. What began as a brief crutch to assist me by way of my heartbreak shortly turned a daily and costly behavior.
And the extra I did it, the much less useful I discovered the playing cards. After consulting the playing cards many occasions per week for a couple of months, the readings turned predictable and fewer useful. I might learn my tarot card emails and realized every studying felt considerably contrived. They had been all comparable and urged I dwell within the second. Let go. Deal with folks and myself with kindness and love, and no matter it was I needed to occur sooner or later simply would possibly. However then once more, possibly it would not.
I began feeling responsible about my soiled little behavior and realized it was time to name it quits altogether. So I did. And now once I discover myself determined for solutions ASAP, as I typically do, I bear in mind what the playing cards informed me earlier than, and I do my greatest to remain current. I acknowledge that my want to have all of the solutions is not wholesome. I inform myself that not figuring out is a part of life — and an essential one at that. Not figuring out helps us develop. It requires vulnerability and power. It prompts us to depend on others and say “I need assistance,” and it teaches us so many beneficial classes.
The playing cards taught me that I solely have a lot management over my life and that no quantity of overthinking will change that. They taught me that I can not at all times plan, assume, and manage for the long run and that doing so typically interferes with destiny, religion, or regardless of the universe has in retailer for us. I am studying to embrace the uncertainty of my future and belief that it doesn’t matter what, I will likely be OK. So for now, there will be no extra playing cards for this Gemini.